


If (Im Jaebum fanfic)

by JhingBautista



Category: GOT7
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2018-11-20
Packaged: 2019-08-19 14:31:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 16,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16536398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JhingBautista/pseuds/JhingBautista
Summary: They say love isn’t selfish, but when you fall in love with someone, you’d want to have their attention, time, and heart. It is selfish to want that love back, but isn’t that what we crave for? We want to get lost in that feeling, but we want to get lost in it with them.Love should be a little selfish.





	1. Meet the Gang

**Author's Note:**

> This was already posted on Twitter but I'm re-posting it here. This is my third GOT7 fanfic. I have more on Twitter. They're bite-size fics in a form of Twitter threads. 
> 
> I'm just trying out other platforms besides Wattpad. :)
> 
> I might start posting my other fics here first.

“KIM EUN HA!”

Eun Ha stopped on track when she heard him call her name. Turning around, she saw Im Jaebum in the distance. He was prancing towards her with a big smile on his face. Even when he’s getting nearer, he didn’t slow down. She braced herself for impact.

Fortunately, he stopped when he did. Had it been a few inches more, they’d both be on the hard ground, with bruises all over their arms and legs. When she looked up, she saw his face just a few centimeters away from hers. She momentarily forgot how to breathe.

_ Too close! He’s too close! _

The sudden flutters she felt annoyed her. Anger quickly rising, she used her palm to push Jaebum’s face away.

“Stop yelling, you idiot! You’re making my head ache.”

Jaebum scrunched his eyebrows and studied her face. “Why so grumpy in the morning?”

_ “Because she saw your face, probably,” _ came another voice. It was Park Jimin. Jimin walked towards her and held on to her left arm. The smug expression disappeared when she looked at her. “Good morning, Eun Ha.”

She smiled at Jimin. “Good morning.”

“Class starts in 10 minutes, right? Let’s go?”

Ignoring Jaebum, the two girls walked towards their class with him following behind. They’re just a few steps in when they heard a series of yelling from behind. Immediately, Jimin’s face turned sour. She sighed exasperatedly.

When she turned around, she saw the other boys running. They’re making weird, loud noises that made everyone move to the side of the pathway. 

“Good morning! Good morning! GOOD MORNING!”

“PU-PU-PU-PUUUUUM!”

“CHU CHU CHU CHUUUUUU!”

“God, they’re so annoying!” Jimin complained.

Four boys came running towards them: Youngjae, Jackson, Bambam, and Yugyeom. They’re well known in the whole department for being too loud and too noisy. Behind them, Mark and Jinyoung, the quiet ones, were walking. Jinyoung’s reading a book again. Mark stirs him while he walks so he won’t bump into people. 

“Good morning, ladies!” Jackson greeted them. He then turned to Jaebum. “...and gentleman.”

Eun Ha ignored him. She smiled at Youngjae instead. There’s just something about Youngjae that makes you want to smile every time you see him. Even Jimin, who’s always grumpy when the boys are around, smiles when she faces Youngjae. He’s the only loud one who isn’t too annoying.

“Morning, Youngjae,” Jimin greeted with a smile.

“Hey, I said good morning too,” Jackson complained.

“Ah, you look so cute today, Youngjae!” She pinched Youngjae’s cheek. Youngjae laughed. 

“They’re ignoring us again,” Bambam said. “Why are we even friends with them? We’re so much cooler than these girls.”

“We’re the only girls who hang out with you,” Jimin retaliated.

“Why are we still here, anyway? We’ll be late for class,” she told them.

Yugyeom pointed at Jinyoung and Mark, who were taking their time walking.

“Hey!” Youngjae called. “Can you guys hurry up? We’re going to be late!”

Jinyoung looked up and sighed. He closed the book he’s reading and the two finally walked faster. When they’re all together, they hurried to their classroom.


	2. Friend-zoned

They’re an odd bunch, the noisiest odd bunch. Eun Ha never thought she’d get along with anyone of her friends, but she did. 

She and Jaebum have been friends since high school. On their last year in high school, she felt something change in her. They’ve always been teased because they were always together, but it didn’t used to bother her until that final year. 

She began noticing him in a different light. He’s still the same Jaebum. He did things like he always did. But somehow, he affected her in a weird way. And for many months, she kept it to herself, afraid that if she told him, everything would change.

Eun Ha didn’t want to lose him, but the feeling ate her up inside. 

He never changed, though. He remained clueless. It tortured her until they graduated. A part of her hoped that something will change then, but it’s been two years into college and everything remained the same. Their friendship, her feelings... nothing changed.

\--

Jaebum has never had a girlfriend. He’s never confessed to anyone either. He never told her about crushes or fleeing flings. But when he told her that someone confessed to him, on their first year in college, and it made him think, she broke down. She was afraid someone would finally take him away from her.

She hid inside the massive library one afternoon and cried silently. That’s where she met Jinyoung and Jimin. Jinyoung was a popular student, always acing the tests, handsome, intelligent... she knew a lot of girls (and even guys) like him. He told her to stop crying because it disturbs him. And then, Jimin came in and told him to shut up.

Jimin asked why she’s crying and she immediately felt comfortable sharing. She told him it’s about a guy, her best friend, and how she’s afraid he’s going to fall in love with someone else. Jinyoung didn’t go away. He stayed and listened.

She thought she was never going to interact with the two again so she let all her feelings out. But the two became her friends and until today, they’re the only ones who knew about her feelings for Jaebum. Jimin even gets frustrated for her sometimes.

Jimin knew Jackson because they’re neighbors and Jackson was friends with Yugyeom and Bambam that time. Mark and Youngjae just came in to the picture one day. 

Most of the guys she’s friends with were really popular at school and the first few months of being friends gave birth to a lot of degrading and petty rumors made by jealous girls whose existence weren’t noticed by the boys.

But she and Jimin have learned to ignore them.


	3. Clueless

It was raining in the afternoon when their class ended. Everyone met up once the day is over. They like to hang out after school. 

“Where are Mark and Youngjae?” Eun Ha asked. They’re waiting for the rain to stop... and for the bus too. Jimin said they’ll go to the nearby town to eat. There’s a new Japanese restaurant having they’re soft opening and they’re currently running a promo.  

“They told us to go ahead. Their still have one more class,” Jinyoung answered.

“Why can’t they just skip it? It’s already 5PM,” Bambam said with a pout.

“Because some people care about their education, Bambam,” Jimin told him. 

“Oh! It stopped raining!” Jackson stepped out of the shed. He then placed his arms on his hips and pressed his lips into a thin line. “Now if only the bus will come sooner.”

As if summoned, the bus finally arrived. The boys pushed one another inside. Eun Ha was about to sit next to Jimin but Jaebum pulled her and made her sit near the window. Then, he sat next to her. She shuddered when the wind from the air-conditioning unit hit her shoulders.

“Where’s your jacket?” Jaebum asked.

“In my locker,” she replied. They were hurrying her earlier, she forgot to put it on. 

Jaebum shook his head in disapproval. He shrugged his jacket off and put it around her. The gesture made her blush. But she shook the feeling off, knowing it meant nothing to him. He’s just innately caring and sweet. He’s even sweet to Jimin sometimes, but Jimin deflects it because she didn’t want her to get jealous.

In reality, she has no right to be. But she’s still thankful her only girl friend was so considerate to her feelings.

She stared out the window while Jaebum talked. She could see his reflection on the window, smiling at something he’s talking about. She purposely tuned him out. Eun Ha saw him frown when he realized she’s not listening.

“Hey, stop ignoring me!”

“Shut up. I want to sleep.”

Instead of leaving her alone, he put his hands on her cheeks and made her turn towards him. Squishing her cheeks, he said, “You’re mad at me, aren’t you? What did I do?”

She slapped his hand. “You’re being annoying, that’s what!”

He stared at her, contemplating. “Are you on your period? Is that it?” he asked rather loudly. 

Jimin, who’s sitting right behind them, came to her rescue and gave Jaebum a few hard knocks on the head. “Shut your loud mouth, you idiot!”

Ignoring Jimin, and still holding her face, he whispered this time. “Do you want some chocolates? I’d buy you some.”

She removed his hands and pushed him away. “Just leave me alone.” Eun Ha covered her face with Jaebum’s jacket. Relief and annoyance washed over her. Great, now she’s enveloped by his smell.

\--

Jackson and Bambam quickly ran inside the restaurant to find a place to sit. It wasn’t that packed at that hour so they were able to find good seats. She removed the jacket and handed it back to Jaebum. Jimin pulled her away from him. They sat next to Jinyoung... who’s reading again.

“God! Can’t you stop reading for a while?” Jimin asked, rolling her eyes.

She peeked at the cover. It’s a different book from this morning. “Did you finish the one you’re reading earlier?”

“Honestly, man, how the hell can you digest all those words so quickly?” Bambam interjected. “Reading looks so tiring. I’d rather watch a movie.”

“And that’s why he gets more girls than you, Bambam,” Eun Ha told him.

“He’s just trying to look cool all the time,” Yugyeom came to Bambam’s defense. “I don’t get why girls like him.”

“Well, I’m sorry if we like our men intelligent, cultured, and well-mannered,” Jimin told the two. “Anyway, let’s order.”

While everyone’s busy looking at the menu, Jackson decided to join in the conversation. “So are you saying you like Jinyoung?”

Everyone’s eyes were suddenly on Jimin. Her friend looked like she wants to strangle Jackson.

“How the hell did you end up there?” she asked. “I’m just trying to prove a point!”

Jackson smiled and blinked like an innocent little puppy, which annoyed Jimin more. “I’m just asking. Why do you sound so defensive?”

Jinyoung called a waiter so the two would stop bickering. The promo Jimin saw was for a bowl of ramen. Buy two and get one free. They also ordered for Mark and Youngjae but had them served for later.

When their orders arrived, Jaebum removed the leeks from his bowl and transferred them on hers. He knew she’s addicted to those things. 

“Thanks.”

She gave him a slice of pork belly. It’s an even exchange. 

“Are you sure you two aren’t dating?” asked Jackson.

Eun Ha glared at him. He purposely asks that question every time he sees Jaebum do something. It’s annoying.

“Fine. You can have one too. Happy?” She dumped the last piece of pork belly on Jackson’s bowl. 

Jaebum quickly reached out and retrieved it, then placed it back on her bowl. “We’ve been teased every day since high school. How are you still not used to it?”

She wanted to stab that piece of pork with her chopsticks. 


	4. Double Date

At some point, their friends have already wondered about the real score between them. Eun Ha knew they’re hoping to hear something exciting than the old  _ ‘we’re just friends’ _ but she couldn’t give them anything other than that.

She’s already tired of explaining to everyone that they’re just that.

It didn’t bother her at first since that’s what was normal for her. They’re close, almost like siblings. Holding each other’s hands, giving each other hugs, feeding each other... those  _ were  _ normal. 

Now she doesn’t know what’s normal anymore. As she watched her friends date and have love lives and get their hearts broken and then love again for two more years, she has finally decided to just give up and find someone new to pine for.

So many things have happened. Everyone changed at some point. Even she has changed. Somehow, she was able to bury the feeling slowly, gradually, until she was able to fool herself into thinking that it’s not there anymore.

Jimin convinced her to try dating. “Maybe you need to meet other guys. Maybe you’re just in love with him because you’re with him all the time,” she told her.

“I’m with the other guys all the time too. I’m not in love with any of them,” she reasoned out.

“I know, but they’re not exactly lovable so they don’t count.”

She smiled, knowing Jimin said that with affection. The boys may be crack heads, but they wouldn’t choose other friends over them. 

“I don’t know how to date. I’ve never done it before.”

“Tell you what... let’s have a double date. That way, you’ll be more comfortable. Just nudge me when you need help.”

\--

Since it’s her first time to go on a date and even choosing the right outfit was proving to be difficult, Jimin even helped her get ready. 

“Thanks for doing this,” she told Jimin. It’s a bit uncomfortable to wear a skirt with a sleeveless top, but she had to admit she looked pretty in them. 

“No worries. If that idiot can’t see your worth, then you’re probably better off with someone else.”

She smiled sadly. “I guess I’m at fault too. I never tried telling him.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

Eun Ha exhaled. She sat on the edge of the bed and replied, “That he doesn’t like me back. I mean, if he does, he would tell me.”

“What if he’s just scared too? What if he thinks you wouldn’t like him back? What if you’re both just waiting for the other to confess?”

That’s possible too. She let out a laugh. “I guess we’ll both wait in vain then.”

Jimin sat beside her. “But that’s the thing. You can’t get over a what if. You’ll just forever wonder. Take my situation for example. I liked Jinyoung. I confessed to him. Turns out he doesn’t like me back so I had no choice but to move on. But at least I knew the answer because I asked.”

She still remembers that time like it was yesterday. It was the first and only time (yet) that she saw Jimin cry. Jimin has always spoken so fondly of Jinyoung. She liked how he’s mature, decent, and sensible. 

Eun Ha witnessed how a simple admiration turned into something deeper. Eventually, Jimin worked up the courage to confess. It was on the garden behind the library. Jinyoung always reads there during his vacant period. Jimin asked her to hide and wait because she’s afraid it wouldn’t go well.

She watched her friend fumble with her hands, anxious and scared but a little excited as well. Then she walked towards Jinyoung, nose on his book, like always. He looked up and when he saw Jimin, he scooted to give her some space. She sat and they talked. After a few minutes, Jimin ran away, crying.

It became awkward for the weeks that followed. Either Jinyoung or Jimin were absent during their hang outs. Jackson had an inkling of what happened but Eun Ha shut it down with a well thought out excuse. 

And then, one day, Jimin and Jinyoung were speaking to each other again. Like nothing happened. Jimin was herself again and Jinyoung didn’t feel awkward anymore.

If only she had the courage to confess...

\--

They were supposed to have a bowling session with the boys that day, but since they have a date, they passed. It’s not a big deal, anyway. The boys just invite them out of courtesy, so they won’t be left out. And if one of them declined, it’s automatic that the other won’t show up as well since there’s only two of them.

They went to the meeting place, a cafe, and prayed she won’t say something that would make her seem stupid. Their dates were already there when they arrived. She can only see their backs from the outside. One guy has blond hair. He’s lanky. The other has a broader built. He’s sporting a black hair.

“Your date’s name is Younghyun,” Jimin reminded her. He’s the one with the black hair.

“Okay.”

“He’s a little straightforward and a bit of a flirt, but Jae told me he’s a nice guy.”

“And that’s Jae?” she pointed to the blond one.

Jimin nodded. “Yes. He’s a little annoying, but don’t worry. I’ll handle him.”

“How do you know them?”

“Jae and I were orgmates in high school. He and Younghyun are bandmates.”

They went inside and walked towards the table. The two guys immediately stood up. Jae introduced Younghyun and Jimin introduced her. She was already panicking when she saw her date. She didn’t expect him to be that gorgeous.

\--

Younghyun ordered coffee and cakes for her and Jimin. Jae and Jimin immediately jumped into an animated conversation. She was left with Young K—he insisted to be called that—who talks too, but mostly just stares and smiles.

And damn it, he’s making her blush.

“Hey, don’t be shy with me,” he said. “If you don’t speak, I’ll have nothing to do but stare at you. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind.”

He propped his chin on his folded hands. He did mean to stare. She was too flustered to speak.

“You look nervous. Why are you nervous? Is this your first time being on a date?”

“Yes,” Jimin answered for her. “So thread carefully or you this fork will find it’s way to your neck.”

“Geez! Calm down, woman!” Jae intervened. “No wonder you still don’t have a boyfriend!”

“You’re the one to talk. You don’t have a girlfriend,” Jimin retorted.

As the two began bickering, Young K called her attention and asked her random stuff to get her talking. She hates small talks, but she obliged because she didn’t want Jimin to look bad. After all the effort her friend made, the least she could do is be a decent date.

He did most of the talking, anyway. She learned that he and Jae recently formed a band, along with three other guys. They were busking and playing small gigs in bars and events. He’s a bassist. 

“I also write songs,” he told her.

“Oh.” She tried to sound as interested as possible.  _ Jaebum writes songs too _ , her annoying brain reminded her. Brushing it off, she asked, “Can you sing one for me?”

Young K cleared his throat, already preparing to break into a song, when the door opened and she heard a familiar laughter. When she turned to Jimin, her eyes were already bulging. Youngjae just entered the cafe, followed by Bambam and Yugyeom. Then Jackson. Then Jaebum, Mark, and Jinyoung. They were so noisy, everyone turned their attention to them.

She discreetly pulled at Jimin’s arm, mentally asking what to do next. Jimin also looked surprised. 

“What’s wrong?” Jae asked when he noticed their discomfort. “Do you know those guys?”

Before they could answer, Bambam, who’s busily scanning the place, spotted the two of them. “OH HO HO! What do we have here?”

Suddenly, six pairs of eyes were on them too. Jackson, Bambam, Yugyeom, and Youngjae went to their table while the other three stayed at the counter to order. Jaebum’s face was blank when their eyes met. She couldn’t tell what he was thinking. 

Youngjae blocked her view. He’s smiling widely. “Hi! Fancy meeting you here!”

She was forced to move closer to Jimin as Jackson and Bambam beside them, trapping them. Youngjae pulled a few chairs, where he and Yugyeom sat. 

“I can’t believe you two ditched us for this!” Jackson feigned hurt. He put his arm on Jimin’s shoulder. “Sooooo who’s dating who?”

She removed his hand, looking more pissed by the minute. 

“This is Young K and that is Jae,” she introduced the two guys. “These are our friends.”

The guys shook their dates’ hands. 

“So how’s the date so far? They didn’t do anything traumatizing, did they?” asked Bambam. He asked their dates, not them. 

“It was going okay until you showed up,” Jimin replied through gritted teeth.

\--

The guys finally had their orders. Eun Ha’s heartbeat quickened when they walked towards their table with coffees on their hands. She glanced nervously at Jaebum but he wasn’t looking.

“Guys, let’s go,” he told the boys.

“Aww, but we just got here!” Youngjae complained. 

“You’re ruining their date,” Mark finally spoke. Mark rarely speaks, but when he does, the others listen to him because he’s the oldest. The loud ones got up. As they started to leave, Young K asked, “Hey, you wanna watch a movie?”

Youngjae, who’s about to step out the door, must have heard that. He retraced his steps back to their table and asked, “Did anyone say movie?”

Jinyoung went back inside to collect him, but Youngjae begged him to let him go with them. Here’s the thing about Youngjae: nobody can say no to him. Not her, not Jinyoung... not even Jimin. So Jinyoung had to ask Jae and Young K if it’s okay. They said okay out of courtesy, but she sensed they didn’t want to. Since it’s already settled, they had no choice but to get on board with the plan.

All 11 of them headed to the cinema. Jimin made them promise not to sit with them. And to make sure that they won’t, she made them choose their seats first. Once they bought their tickets, the four of them followed.

“How about we take separate seats?” Jimin suggested. “I’ll go sit with Jae and you sit with Young K?”

Despite her silent protest, and also being outnumbered, Jimin went ahead with the plan. Fifteen minutes before the movie starts, they were already at the cinema entrance. The boys went ahead inside, except for Jaebum. He was waiting on one corner.

When they’re about to enter the cinema, he handed her his hoodie. “It’s cold inside,” he said. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Young K told him. He removed his jacket and put it on her. “I got her. She’s my date, after all.”

\--

Eun Ha couldn’t concentrate because Young K kept whispering something in her ear. He’s not saying anything lewd, just facts about the movie. Apparently, he already watched it so he’s feeding her with “facts” without giving too many “spoilers”. 

If he’s a friend, she’d have stuffed his face with popcorn by now.

After a while, though, Young K finally shut up. He must have realized she wants to watch the movie and not hear the whole story from him.

She was able to focus on the movie for a few minutes. Thanks to Young K’s jacket, the coldness inside the cinema didn’t bother her. She’s been too dependent on Jaebum, she keeps forgetting to bring a jacket or a coat these days. 

Eun Ha glanced at Young K when he suddenly yawned. He raised his arms a little and then, he put one on her shoulder. 

“Comfy?” he asked, smiling.

All she could think about was where was Jimin and her fork when you need them.

\--

After the movie, Young K invited them for dinner. Jimin said yes on her behalf. The boys almost joined them, but Jimin threatened them if they come with. It’s funny how seven tall guys were afraid of one little lady. In the end, the boys headed somewhere else.

Jae didn’t shell out a single cent. Young K paid for everything, even the noraebang. Jae told them Young K’s family owns a record label. It’s the reason why he’s into songwriting in the first place. He wanted to prove to his father that he’s worthy of being signed. 

He’s such a catch. He’s handsome, from a wealthy family, has enough sensitivity to write songs... Plus, he sings like an angel. She wondered why he’s still single. She asked out of curiosity. Jae was more than happy to answer for Young K.

“He likes to flirt around but he’s actually afraid of commitments.”

Young K laughed. “Shut up!”

“So you’ve never had a girlfriend before?” she asked.

“Of course I have.”

Jimin raised an eyebrow. “Serious ones?” 

“Once.”

“And you’ve never been with anyone else after her? Maybe you’re not over her yet?” Jimin speculated.

“It’s been a long time,” Young K told them. “I’ve moved on. I just haven’t been interested with anyone...” He looked at her and smiled. “...until recently.”


	5. When the Idiot Starts Taking Notice

Eun Ha thought the date went well. She could actually like Young K. He’s more than just what he shows other people. 

“KIM EUN HA!”

She abruptly stopped walking. Wrong move. She was almost pushed to the ground. But two powerful hands pulled her slightly, keeping her from falling.

A smiling Jaebum put his chin on her shoulder. “Good morning!” he greeted. 

“M-Morning.” He looked happy. Did something happen over the weekend? “You look like you’re in a good mood.” 

He walked beside her, arm casually draping on her shoulder. “I had a good sleep.”

“And?”

“That’s it.”

“Uh... okay?” Being this close to him made her notice something. She sniffed. “Are you wearing cologne?”

Jaebum scratched his nape. “Yeah. My mom bought me cologne and forced me to try wear it.” He leaned closer. “What do you think?”

Despite her quickening pulse, she tried to remain as calm as humanly possible. She sniffed the side of his neck. The scent made her skin tingle. “It smells... nice.”

“Should I wear it everyday?”

_ Oh god. _ That will be the death of her. 

_ “HEY, LOVE BIRDS!” _ Yugyeom pushed himself between them, his arms on their shoulders. “Good morning!” the tall bean greeted. He instantly caught a whiff of Jaebum’s cologne. “Are you wearing perfume?”

Jaebum pulled away. “It’s cologne.”

“Same thing, man. Are you trying to impress someone?”

The question made her frown. Jaebum hates wearing perfume or cologne or whatever it is. He’s never worn any, save alone for special occasions where he’s forced to do so. Now that Yugyeom brought it up...

Then when Bambam and Jackson arrived, they continued teasing Jaebum. All the while she was feeling insecure again. What if he’s already starting to like someone? He hasn’t liked anyone in such a long time. Just once, in high school. He courted a senior. But when she told him to stop being friends with her, he stopped pursuing the girl. 

This is why there is still a tiny bit of hope inside her that refuses to let go. He hasn’t liked anyone. He’s never shown interest in anyone. 

They didn’t stop pestering Jaebum about his cologne. They only paused for a while to get some tea about her newly established dating life. 

“Did you like the guy? What’s his name again? Youngkyun?”

“ _ Younghyun _ ”, she corrected. “And yeah... I guess I like him. He seems nice.”

“All guys seem nice at first,” Jackson told her.

“Not you,” Jimin said. “You seven are a different breed of men.”

“But do you like him enough to want to go out with him again?” Jaebum asked. Everyone readied their ears for her answer.

“Jimin said I can’t fully know a guy with just one date so... when he asked me out again, I said yes.”

Jimin clapped her hands. “Attagirl!”

“I can’t believe there’s a possibility of you finally getting a boyfriend before graduation!” Youngjae dabbed his invisible tears. “They grow up so fast.”

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” she told them.

Jinyoung, who’s surprisingly not reading a book and was actually listening, pried, “Yeah. We have to like him first.”

“Your opinions aren’t important. As long as she likes the guy, it’s fine. Her life isn’t yours to run, anyway.”

Everyone looked at Jimin. Some shook their heads. 

“Yeah, of course,” Bambam agreed. “But don’t ask us to pretend to like him when they’re already getting serious. You know we can’t fake our feelings.”

“Some of us can,” Jackson said nonchalantly. He then shifted the conversation back to Jaebum so suddenly, everyone forgot about that last statement. Everyone but her. 

\--

It was two days before the exam. Jinyoung told everyone that he’d help them review, if they commit to studying. He said that while looking at Bambam and Yugyeom. They’ve done group studies before, but nobody but Jinyoung actually studied. Everyone’s either busy watching a film or playing games. And of course, noraebang was always present because Youngjae likes to sing in the middle of the night.

Now that they’re on their final days in college, her friends were surprisingly determined. Eun Ha never saw Bambam read his books for more than 20 minutes without falling asleep. It’s finally happening! They’re already graduating! (If they all pass, of course.)

Eun Ha helped Jimin make coffee for everyone. Her parents were out of town so they let them stay in their house. 

“Hey, need any help?” Jaebum entered the kitchen.

“Yes. Open this.” Jimin handed him the jar of coffee grounds. Then she instructed her to make the coffee while she get some snacks somewhere. Jimin hid them somewhere in the house because her mom would kill her if they eat them all. Knowing the boys, they will.

\--

Jaebum helped her make the coffee. She put sugar and creamer on each cup while he pour the hot brewed coffee.

“Why did you stop wearing your cologne?” she asked out of the blue. She meant to ask him a few weeks ago. She kept forgetting. Now that she noticed he didn’t have that faint smell of cologne, she finally remembered.

Jaebum shrugged. 

“Don’t tell me you stopped because they kept teasing you?”

He made a face. “I didn’t like the smell anyway.”

“Shame. I liked it.”

Jaebum abruptly stopped what he’s doing. “Really?”

She nodded. “Yeah. I told you it smelled nice. You’re just not used to it because you don’t really wear cologne. And they were teasing you because they’re also not used to it.”

“Does Young K wear cologne?”

_ Huh, now he asks about Young K.  _ “I think so? He always smells nice.”

“He does,” Jimin answered. She entered the kitchen holding a pack of ramen. “He wears expensive cologne because he knows girls are attracted to men who smell great. Maybe you should do the same, JB.”

“Shut up.”

Jimin placed the noodles on top of the counter. “No wonder you don’t have a girlfriend.”

Jaebum grunted and took the tray of coffee they finished making to the living room. 

“Ah, that idiot,” Jimin muttered, shaking her head.

\--

It’s almost midnight, everyone’s eyes looked droopy, including Jaebum’s. He blinked a few times and adjusted his glasses. They’re already gathered around the dining table. Books spread open, a pile of garbage on the center. Jimin’s already running out of snacks to feed them.

Yugyeom yawned. Bambam followed. Soon, everyone’s yawning. It’s infectious.

“I’ll just take a quick nap,” Eun Ha announced. She stood up.

“I thought we can’t go to sleep?” Youngjae asked with a pout.

“I’ll just take a nap Youngjae. I’ll be right back. My eyes hurt.”

He followed her with his gaze. She settled on the couch and lied down in a fetal position. She used both her hands as a pillow. He looked back on his books. Words began to warp. He’s sleepy too.

He stood up.

“Where are you going?” Bambam asked.

“Will nap,” he replied.

Bambam made a face like he’s about to complain but then Jackson said, “Fine. Let’s all take a quick nap so it’s fair.”

They stood up one by one and looked for a place to lie down. Yugyeom took the empty half of the couch. He beat him to it. But since that boy’s tall, he had to keep his feet on the ground. He contented himself with sitting down, leaning on the left arm rest.

Jinyoung, Mark, and Jimin went upstairs to get pillows and blankets for everyone.

He took one and covered Eun Ha with it. Then, he sat next to the couch and leaned back on the right arm rest. They set the alarm to go off after 30 minutes.

\--

After 30 minutes, everyone except for Jinyoung groaned.

“Someone throw that phone away...” Bambam complained.

Jaebum rubbed his eyes. He wasn’t even sure if he was able to sleep. It felt like he was just in a haze but still awake. He looked around. Everyone was already awake, angry but awake. Everyone except for Jia. She sleeps like a log.

“I want to sleep some more!” Yugyeom whined.

“You can sleep later,” Jinyoung argued. “We still have some stuff to cover.”

"Let's buy some coffee." Jimin suggested.

"We have coffee," Jackson reminded Jimin. 

Jimin shook her head. "Not anymore," she said. She pointed at the jar where the ground coffee was supposed to be. It's already empty.

Mark stood up and began listing down their orders. He said he’s going to buy at a nearby coffee shop. Mark repeated the orders. They have eight. He glanced at Eun Ha. "How about Eun Ha?"

"She's asleep," he told him.

"Why does she get to sleep?" Yugyeom asked, yawning. "I want to sleep too!"

"Because she's tired, Yugyeom,” he replied, removing the stray hair from Eun Ha’s face. How can she keep sleeping with all the noise? “Stop complaining." 


	6. Becoming Self-Aware

When Eun Ha woke up, it’s already morning. The sun was already rising, the living room already basking in soft sunlight. She rubbed her eyes gently. How long has she been asleep? She remembered telling them she’s just going to take a nap, but nobody woke her up.

She shifted her head to look around and caught her breath when she noticed Jaebum sleeping right next to her. He’s in an uncomfortable position, sitting down next to the couch, his head propped on his crossed arms.

Eun Ha didn’t dare move so he won’t wake up.

He’s wearing his red hoodie while everyone has blankets over them. She raised her head to see if he had blanket on. It must have fallen on the floor. But it’s not there.

She looked at her pillow and mouthed ‘ _ oh’ _ . She’s using it as pillow. 

\--

When Jaebum stirred, Eun Ha quietly lied down and shut her eyes. Her heartbeat doubled when she heard him groan. She counted to 20 before opening her eyes again, hoping he hasn’t woken up yet.

She met his gaze. Jaebum smiled sleepily and poked her forehead with his index finger. “Morning,” he murmured.

“M-Morning.”

Jaebum stretched his hand and yawned. He flinched as his back and neck cracked. He must have been crouching all night. Eun Ha got up and patted the space where she lied down. “You want to sleep here?”

He shook his head. “It’s already morning, anyway. I’ll sleep when I get home.”

He kept massaging his shoulders. Eun Ha knew she had to do something. It’s just a small thing anyway.

“Come here.”

She made him lean his back on the edge of the couch. She kept her legs crossed on the couch, just behind him, while she massaged his back. Jaebum fell silent.

“You should have woken me up,” she whispered.

“We set an alarm. You didn’t wake up.”

“You know I’m a deep sleeper.”

She lightly pounded on his shoulders, on the area close to his neck.

“Better?” she asked.

Jaebum raised his left hand and caught her right hand. The abrupt action made her stop what she’s doing. She waited for him to say something. The longer he holds her hand, the more awkward the atmosphere becomes.

Finally, he put her hand below his nape. “Here too, please.”

\--

Jimin was already awake when that transpired. She silently stared at the two and wondered, for the nth time, why they’re still not together. Was Jaebum still oblivious to Eun Ha’s feelings?  _ Of course, he is, _ she reminded herself.  _ He’s an idiot, after all.  _ But she did not expect Eun Ha to be as dense as him.

Jaebum’s smiling absentmindedly. If only Eun Ha would lean forward a little, she’d see how she affects him. He’s still oblivious to his own feelings. He needs help.

He still doesn’t know how the simple things he does affects Eun Ha. Jimin almost squealed when Jaebum held Eun Ha’s hand. Her heartbeat quickened in anticipation. Will he finally admit his feelings while everyone (except her) is asleep?

If this is it, she swears she will hold her screams to give them a moment.

Jimin waited, her heart racing. She swore, right then and there, if this is it, she’ll throw a party to celebrate. She’s been waiting for this to happen since the day she met Eun Ha. And Eun Ha’s been waiting longer than that!

Jaebum moved Eun Ha’s hand to his back, right below his nape and told her, “Here too, please.” Then, he let go of Eun Ha’s hand. Jimin almost lost it.

She got up so quickly, her head ached. The two turned to her, surprised.

“Good morning,” Eun Ha greeted.

Jimin grunted. “There’s nothing good in this morning.”

“Why so grumpy? Had a nightmare?” Jaebum asked.

She glared at him. “Idiot,” she muttered.


	7. Sickness and Permanent Goodbyes

Eun Ha noticed how Jaebum keeps massaging his back on their way home. He’s also sniffing. She felt bad for stealing his blanket away. It must have been cold that night.

Even during the exams, he kept sniffing and coughing. 

“Are you okay?” she asked him after they’re done for the day. His eyes are already watery from coughing too much. 

“I’m fine,” he replied, sounding like he already has a cold.

“Do you want to buy some medicine?”

Jaebum shook his head. “I’m okay.” He moved away from her. “Keep a safe distance. You might get infected.”

Eun Ha snorted. “You know my immune system is way better than yours.”

Still, he insisted they don’t walk to closely to one another. When they reached the gate and he didn’t say goodbye, she guessed he was planning to accompany her home. He does that when their friends have no plans after school, especially when it’s about to go dark.

“Just go home and rest,” she told him.

“I’m fine,” he insisted. “Your house isn’t so far away, anyway.”

“That’s not--”

“Hey, Eun Ha!” From a distance, she saw Young K wave. He walked towards them with a big smile on his face. “How’s the exam?” he asked her.

“Horrible,” Jaebum answered. He looked annoyed. This is why she wants him to rest. He loses his cool when he’s not feeling well. “So, you two have a date?”

She averted her gaze, blush slowly creeping on her cheeks. “It’s not like that.”

“Yes,” Young K replied, totally contradicting her answer.

“Oh, okay. I guess I’ll go home then.”

\--

Eun Ha couldn’t hide her worry. Jaebum couldn't stop coughing as he walked towards the bus stop. She knew he’s been having a headache since this morning. The exams made it worse.

“Can we take him home first?” she asked Young K.

“Uh… okay.”

He didn’t have a choice, anyway. So they followed Jaebum to the bus stop. She told him they’d take him home. Jaebum didn’t say anything.

When the bus came, she helped him get on board. They sat on the back with her in the middle. The bus just started moving when Jaebum placed his head on her shoulder. 

She touched his forehead and sighed. “Great. Now you have a fever. We should have bought medicine first!”

“Shut up and let me sleep,” he replied.

\--

His head is heavy. Jaebum put all his weight on her, now she’s practically leaning sideways.

“Why can’t he just lean on the window?” Young K whispered.

“He doesn’t like it when his head hits the window. It makes him uncomfortable,” she whispered back.

“Let’s exchange seats then,” Young K offered.

She let out a sigh of relief. “Okay.”

Jaebum swore he's never been this annoyed in his entire life. He shouldn't have been sick

He hates being sick. And now this guy's trying to ruin his moment of comfort. 

He felt Eun Ha's hand on his cheek. "Hey, Young K and I will switch seats. You can lean on him for a while." 

He stubbornly grunted. 

"My neck hurts already," Eun Ha complained. 

Grunting louder, he removed his head from her neck and placed it on her lap instead. He crossed his arms against his chest, his eyes remained shut. Eun Ha groaned. "You are so annoying."

He huffed. 'Well, you're annoying too', he wanted to say, but didn't. He didn't want her to get mad because it'll just make him angrier. 

He slept for another 10 minutes.

\--

Jaebum didn’t want the bus ride to end. He didn’t want to leave her with him, especially now that they’re going on their 3rd or 4th date. God, why do they go out a lot? What does she see in him? He looks like a jerk. He doesn’t like his vibe.

But the bus stopped on his stop and Eun Ha forced him to get up so he could get off. He must have gotten up so quickly because he suddenly felt dizzy. He staggered.

“Hey, are you okay?”

“Let me help him,” the annoying guy offered.

He draped his arm on Eun Ha’s shoulder and glared at him.

“No, it’s fine,” she said. “I got him.”

\--

Jaebum felt guilty for literally burdening Eun Ha with his weight. He knows he’s heavy. She looks like she’s really struggling. He could walk on his own, but he’s sick so maybe he can be a little petty?

Eun Ha didn’t even bother knocking. His parents are used to her just barging in. 

“What happened to you?”

His mom rushed to him and felt his forehead. He pouted.

“He has a fever,” Eun Ha told her. They made him sit on the couch. He lied, face down, when his mom asked about the other guy she’s with.

“I didn’t know you have a boyfriend.”

“Oh… we’re not--”

He made a muffled comment.

“What?”

He peeked sideways, getting more annoyed by the minute. “Nothing,” he muttered.

Eun Ha bid them goodbye as he and the guy head out of the house. He couldn’t do anything about it. He couldn’t stop it from happening. His head aches so much.

Jaebum groaned when his mom slapped his butt. “If she ends up marrying that guy, it’s your entire fault, you idiot.”

He whined. “Can you all please stop calling me an idiot?!” 

\--

Jaebum was bored out of his wits for a few days. He was confined inside the house with his mom who won’t stop talking about Eun Ha and “ _ that guy who’s so much better looking than you”. _ He’d roll his eyes for the hundredth time if they don’t hurt at the moment.

Everyone keeps calling him an idiot and maybe he was--maybe he still is. He just doesn’t know how to deal with… this! Now, another guy is showing her affection and it’s making him lose his mind.

“Hey, get up! Your soup’s getting cold.”

He buried his face on his pillow. “Not hungry.”

His mom slapped his back with the dish towel. “I don’t care if you’re not hungry. I made a soup. You have to eat it.”

“It probably tastes like oil, mom.”

"You ungrateful child!" He heard her hiss. She hit him again. “Get up, you brat!”

“This is why I don’t get better!” he lamented.

“You don’t get better because you don’t eat and you don’t take your medicine. Get up! Don’t make me tell you again!”

Grunting, he forced himself up and out of the bed. He headed downstairs with his mom tailing behind, occasionally hitting him whenever he slows down.

He didn’t know a surprise was waiting for him in the kitchen.

\--

His dad knows how to cook. His mom… she’s trying. They always eat takeouts if he doesn’t feel like cooking because his mom’s food always ends up bland, salty, or burnt. He wished his dad isn’t away, but what can they do if the job demands him to be away for 5 days a week?

It’s true that he wasn’t eating well. That’s because the food doesn’t taste delicious. Even his sick taste buds won’t have them.

“Your mom called me. She said you weren’t eating properly.” Eun Ha was frowning in concern. Has she always looked that cute?

“She said she made a soup. The last time I had one, I had indigestions.”

That earned him a slap on the back. His mother was glaring at him. He gave her that smile that she always finds annoying and then, hugged her tightly.

“I’m kidding, mom. You know I love you so much.” He kissed her cheek and then whispered, “Thanks.”

“I will never accept any other girl as a daughter-in-law, remember that,” she whispered back.

That made him cough so hard, he ended up gasping for air.

\--

Eun Ha knew Jaebum's mom likes her a lot. Since she developed feelings for Jaebum, she's been trying to stay on his mom's good side. She guesses it worked because his mom always tells her she wants her to be a part of their family someday. 

She was even asked to admit that she likes him. She didn't crumble under the pressure, of course. Because she's sure Jaebum never saw her that way and he wouldn't want her to give his mom any idea. 

When his mom called her and asked her to drop by the house to make Jaebum eat, she immediately canceled her plans with Young K. But the latter insisted they meet after. So now, she can't stop looking at the clock while Jaebum eats. 

She hates making people wait. 

"Are you in a hurry?" he asked. 

"Don't tell your mom but..." She leaned closer to whisper. "I have plans."

He bored his eyes on her. His deadpan expression made her wary. 

"Ah, you're going out with him again?"

"I canceled but he said he'd wait."

He stirred his soup, nodding. Jaebum propped his chin on his one hand and continued stirring. Then, he looked at her. Then back to the soup. 'What now?' she thought. He suddenly stopped eating. He's just playing with his food. 

"Can you hurry up?" she asked. He simply glared. Sighing, she pushed the medicine towards him. "I have to go. Take your meds, okay?"

\--

It is frustrating how people just don't understand that even if everyone around them wants her for him but he never wants her for himself, then she will always remain waiting for something that will never come. 

To be honest, Eun Ha's already tired. Her heart doesn't want to give up just yet, but she's already tired of this setup. 

Maybe she can be happy with Young K too. The thought made her hopeful.

\--

Young K picked her up at the nearby bus stop. It was her first time to ride a motorcycle. She was scared in the beginning. 

"Hold tight!" she remembered him yell earlier. 

'DO I HAVE A CHOICE?!' she yelled back. Just inside her head. He wouldn't have heard it anyway.

It was scary at first but after a while, she was able to enjoy it. Too much, in fact, that she's practically bouncing when she got off the motorcycle. There's just something so thrilling about it. About him. 

She was beaming when she removed the helmet. Didn't even notice how messy her hair looked under it... until Young K laughed. 

He brushed her hair until the strays subsided. 

"Looks like you had fun."

"Yeah!"

He chuckled at her enthusiasm. "I'm glad you enjoyed it. We'll do it again some time."

\--

He led her inside his apartment. Jae's there as chaperone. Jimin wanted to make sure she's safe so she made Jae oversee the date. 

They stayed in the kitchen. Young K cooked pasta. Jae walks in, from time to time, checking on the food. 

Once it's cooked, Jae just took a plateful and went back to the living room to watch a movie. Noisily. 

"Not that I don't appreciate you cooking for me, but why did you bring me here... instead of, you know, a restaurant or something."

"He wants to show you he can cook," Jae answered from the living room. 

Young K rolled his eyes and said, "Thanks, Jae!"

And the guy actually replied, "Sure thing, man!" which made her laugh. 

They tried to ignore him as much as they can. He shuts up when he's so engrossed with the movie he's watching. 

\--

Young K excused himself to get a guitar. He said he wrote a song (which isn't done yet) but he wants to hear her thoughts about it. 

"It's not done yet but..." At first he just strummed. Then, he began humming. Then, he started singing, "...No matter what I do, I know that to you things will just stay the way they are. Nanananana nana how we used to be... God, I just hate this part..."

He was closing his eyes and feeling the music so much, Eun Ha felt it affect her in some way. Especially when he sang the chorus. She felt the longing and giving up and letting go...

Young K stopped playing and reached out to touch her cheek. She realized she was already silently crying. 

"Sorry," he said softly. 

"N-No. Why are you apologizing? It was beautiful!"

Young K smiled. "Really? Thank you."

"Whom did you write it for?"

He leaned on his chair and sighed. "Well, it's a collection of inspiration, really. From a band mate's bad breakup then added with my past feelings..."

"You said you were in love once before, right?   Was that one of the inspirations?"

He pondered at the question and then later nodded. "Yes. We were best friends, kinda like you and the guy."

"Jaebum, yes. Go on. What happened?"

"It took me a while to realize that she's been in love with me for some time. It took me longer to realize I was in love with her too." He averted his gaze, as if remembering. "We tried dating, for a while. I mean, we've been best friends for a long time, you think it'd just be a walk in the park for us."

"It wasn't?"

He shook his head. "I guess it's why it took me a long time before I started dating again. I had to untangle my life from her. It wasn't easy."

She gulped. She can't imagine her life without Jaebum. It hurts just to think about it. 

"I'm not saying this because I like you and I think he's a competition," he continued. "But based on my experience, once friends crossed that line and it didn't work out, all that's left is a permanent goodbye."


	8. Define Stupid

“This is stupid, ” Jackson lamented. 

Jaebum ignored him and continued staring. He sighed when Eun Ha laughed at something the other guy said. It looks like she’s having a good time. Why did he subject himself to this torture anyway?

“This is stupid,” Jinyoung reiterated. “Why not just tell her you like her and get this thing over with?”

“It’s not that simple.”

“But it’s definitely easier than lurking like a creep.”

“Who told you to go with me anyway?” 

“We have to make sure you won’t do something stupid,” Mark reasoned. “Up until now, all you’ve ever done are stupid.”

“Why do you keep saying I’m--”

“When are we going to order some food?” Youngjae suddenly whined. “You said there’d be food!”

Jaebum grunted. “Fine. Go order and shut up,” he told them.

“Just so we’re clear, it’s your treat, right?” Bambam confirmed.

He nodded to shut them up. “But I won’t treat anyone who makes unnecessary noises.”

\--

Eun Ha tried her best to ignore the uncomfortable glances and stares from the other table. She pretended not to see them, afraid they might approach their table and ruin the date. Those boys call that hiding? She could hear them from a mile away. They make too much noise.

She remembered Jimin approaching her one day, telling her Jaebum’s asking about Young K, which was typical of him whenever a guy shows interest in her.

The first time he did that, she thought it’s because he was jealous. It turns out he’s just concerned, like brothers are to their little sisters. 

“He asked me if you’re happy with Young K,” Jimin told her. “I said I don’t know.”

“Tell him I’m happy.”

Jimin raised an eyebrow. “Are you?”

“Young K’s nice. I like him.”

She wouldn’t go on a few dates with him if she doesn’t like him. He’s just cool and intimidating at first. He gives off this vibe that he’s out of reach, but he’s also a flirt, which probably confused a lot of girls before. But once Young K shows you his other sides, he’ll start to grow on you. 

He’s also a sensitive guy who writes music, someone who can turn heartbreaks into songs. And he’s sweet. He knows his boundaries and he doesn’t cross them. 

“You sound unconvinced,” Jimin pointed out.

She gave her a small smile. “Just tell Jaebum I like Young K. He’s just worried about me. Him asking about it doesn’t have any other meaning besides that.”

God knows how many times she expected something only to be disappointed in the end.

\--

“She’s laughing too much,” Bambam noted. “I don’t understand why girls do that. I don’t think he’s that funny.”

“That’s what girls do when they like someone. They laugh even at the lamest of jokes,” Jinyoung explained.

“Does Eun Ha laugh at your lame jokes, Jaebum?” asked Jackson, before taking a bite of his food.

Jaebum, whose chin was propped on his hand--not eating--shook his head. “She grunts and leaves,” he replied.

“Don’t worry. It’s not scientifically proven,” Youngjae interjected. “My girlfriend doesn’t laugh at most of my jokes, but she assures me she likes me a lot.”

Jaebum sighed. Well, that didn’t comfort him. Youngjae’s different. Everybody likes him. Even his cold-hearted girlfriend fell in love with him. He’s… well… he doesn’t have that kind of charisma.

\--

It’s been more than an hour before Eun Ha and the guy finally decided to go. Jaebum and the guys were already having dessert. He had to buy them dessert because the food they ordered was already long gone and they were starting to get hungry again.

Jaebum barely ate. His stomach was in knots. He hates this, but he had to make sure Jimin’s telling the truth.  _ She’s happy with him, _ he remembered her saying. 

Eun Ha does look happy. She smiles a lot these days. Whenever he looks at her, he’d notice how her eyes were always twinkling. She must really like that guy a lot.

“Are we invisible?” Bambam asked, raising an eyebrow.

Yugyeom’s eyebrows furrowed. He pouted and asked, “Didn’t she see us? She didn’t even say hi.”

“She’s on a date,” Mark said as a matter-of-factly. “She’s probably scared you’ll tag along.”

Mark turned to him. He’s studying his face.

“So… what now?” he asked.

What he should probably do is step aside and let a beautiful thing flourish on its own. Maybe everyone is right. He is an idiot. 


	9. It Finally Made Sense

Whatever Jaebum felt, he kept to himself.  _ As long as Eun Ha’s happy, I’m happy.  _ Because isn’t that how it’s supposed to be? When you love someone, you’d want them to always be happy, even if it’s with someone else.

But he can’t deny that it still hurts to see her like that… with someone else. Eun Ha doesn’t even spend time with them anymore. She’s always with Young K, which is probably a good thing. 

The gang will be celebrating after the graduation ceremony. He’ll tell her by then. He plans on applying to the company where his dad works, which means he and his mom will be moving to another town. 

His dad was happy about his decision. His mom… well, it took her a while to accept it.

“What about Eun Ha?” she asked. “Isn’t she the reason why you’ve stayed this long here?”

“Mom, she’s already with someone else.”

His mom raised an eyebrow. “So? They’re not married yet!”

He gave her a tight smile. “I’ll find you a better daughter-in-law. I promise.”

Crossing her arms against her chest, his mom huffed and stubbornly said, “I’ll be very, very,  _ very _ picky!”

\--

Jaebum remained where he stood while everybody’s running around trying to get pictures with everybody. He could have sworn he heard Bambam say they’d be taking a group picture, but he ran off somewhere with Yugyeom.

Youngjae’s with his girlfriend. That lucky bastard.

But he’s also the nicest so it’s probably fair he’s the only one who has a girlfriend. Jinyoung’s talking to some girl. Jimin’s trying to push Jackson’s face away. He’s insisting they take a selfie with their cheeks pressed together. That’s very Jackson. He’s sure he’d do that to him too. Mark went home with his parents. He said they have plans but he’ll drop by later.

But where is Eun Ha?

“IM JAEBUM!”

_ Ah, there she is. _

He smiled widely as she bounced her way towards him. She’s replaced her high heels with sneakers and wearing her hair down now.

“I’ve been looking all over for you!” she told him.

“I was looking for you too,” he replied. 

“Let’s take a picture? Where’s your hat?”

He raised it. Eun Ha took it from his hand and placed it on his head, tiptoeing while doing so. He held her waist to keep her balanced.

There’s this nagging itch on his chest again.

“Hey! You wore that cologne again!” Eun Ha leaned closer and sniffed. “Did the boys tease you again?”

“Earlier. My mom scolded them.”

She laughed heartily. “Where are your parents?”

“They went home.”

“Oh.” She made a face. Then, she raised the polaroid she’s been holding since a while ago. “Anyway, picture…”

She grabbed him by the neck with her arm so he would be forced to lower his head. Her other hand was outstretched for the camera.

They both smiled.

\--

“Let’s do one more,” she told him.

“I’ll take your picture.”

Jaebum felt his annoyance bubbled. Young K walked towards them with a big bouquet on his hand. Eun Ha hurried to greet him.

“Hey, you made it!”

“Yeah. Sorry I was late.”

He gave her the bouquet and took the camera. He told them both to pose so he could take their picture. 

Without thinking twice, Jaebum wrapped his arms around Eun Ha’s waist, from behind, and pressed his cheek on her temple.

He smiled to the camera.

\--

It felt like someone set Eun Ha’s back on fire. It made her uncomfortable but she won’t deny she liked it. She missed being this close to Jaebum. And he wore the cologne she said she liked. It made her heart swell.

She prayed he won’t hear how frantic her heartbeat sounded. But he’s so oblivious, even if he heard it, he probably would not have understood.

She tried to smile as easily as she could. After the shot was taken, she removed Jaebum’s arm around her waist and ran to Young K to claim the picture… and also to calm her heart down. 

She felt a tinge of sadness when she saw the picture. Why does it look so perfect? It’s not supposed to be. Why do they both look so happy and in love?

Is this what people see when they’re together?

“It’s nice, huh? I take good pictures,” Young K told her.

She blinked the forming tears away and smiled at him. 

“Can I steal you away for a sec? I want to give you my gift.”

“This isn’t it?” She raised the bouquet.

“That?” Young K chuckled. “No.”

“Okay. I’ll just give him a picture.”

\--

Eun Ha walked back to him with the polaroid pictures. “Which one do you like?” She showed him his options. Of course, he chose the latter. Eun Ha pouted. “Aw, I like that too.”

Jaebum smiled and took it from her hand. “You shouldn’t have asked me to choose then.”

Just then, Jackson and Jimin came over.

“Hey, where’s everyone? Aren’t we supposed to take group pictures?” she asked.

“This is everyone,” he said, pointing to all of them.

“Young K’s going to steal me for a while,” Eun Ha told them. “I’ll be back when everyone’s here.”

She wasn’t asking for anyone’s permission. She was just informing them. Eun Ha ran back to Young K, his arm instantly draping on her shoulder.

Jaebum exhaled, feeling like he’s just been punched in the gut. This is harder than he anticipated. 

“Oh… my… god…”

He turned to Jimin, who has her hand on her mouth. It looks like she just realized something.

Jimin pointed to him. “Y-You…” Then she glanced at Eun Ha and back at him again. They didn’t fill in the missing words, but both of them, and even Jackson, knew what she was trying to say.

He smiled tightly.

“OH MY GOD I SHOULD TELL HER!”

He yanked Jimin back before she could run to Eun Ha.

“No, you won’t!”

“You don’t understand, Jaebum. She needs to know!” she yelled, trying to remove his hold on her arm. He tightened the grip.

“I’ll tell her, okay? I’ll tell her myself.”

“WHEN?!”

Jaebum sighed. This wasn’t part of the plan. But Jimin would actually run to Eun Ha if he won’t give her something to shut her up.

“I’ll tell her tonight,” he promised.


	10. An Unbreakable Bond

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure if this is going to be an issue because it wasn't properly implied in the beginning. I made the members almost the same age, only months apart. So they graduated together. :)

“I made a song for you,” Young K told Eun Ha. 

He took his phone from his pocket, plugged in the earphones, and gave it to her. On screen was a video on pause. Young K was holding a guitar. 

“I’ll record the song in a studio for a clearer version, but I want you to hear it first while it’s raw.”

Eun Ha put the earphones on and gave it a listen. She watched as Young K strum the guitar, like the first time she saw him do so. 

There was something magical about the way he sings and plays. It’s like he gets lost in the moment. It was very poignant to watch and she couldn’t help but feel privileged that he let her see that.

\--

Young K and Eun Ha were holding hands when they came back. Jimin quickly glanced at Jaebum to see his reaction. He’s always looked like that, and in a certain way, towards Eun Ha, but this is the only time she had given it a different meaning.

Jimin always thought it was just concern and the jealousy of a best friend, but now it’s entirely something else.

She could almost feel his pain when he looked away. She didn’t know who she should pity more: Jaebum who finally realized he’s in love with his best friend or Eun Ha, who’s oblivious of this fact and is now trying her best to move on.

Jimin wanted to intervene so badly, but she’s afraid she’d just make the situation worse. And she didn’t want to be hated for meddling. Jaebum already told her he’d tell Eun Ha how he feels tonight. 

The rest of the guys finally came back for the group picture. Young K offered to be the photographer. He’s proven himself a nice guy, on numerous occasions, and maybe if the situation was different, she would have rooted for him. 

\--

They took a lot of pictures. Eun Ha guessed that everyone’s thinking about the same thing: they’re slowly parting ways. Sure, they can still see one another, but it won’t be as often as they want to.

They’re officially adults now, with responsibilities. Life’s not so fun anymore.

After the lengthy pictorial, everyone except their plus ones (and Mark) headed to the restaurant where they’ll be having an early dinner.

Jimin went to her and linked their arms together. 

“How are things with Young K?”

Eun Ha smiled. “Everything’s going well,” she chirped. “He made a song for me.”

Jimin frowned. “Did he now? Well, did you love it?”

“More than I expected.”

“Does this mean that you like  _ like  _ him now?”

Eun Ha paused to think for a moment. She glanced at Jaebum who’s walking with the guys. He must have sensed that she’s looking. Their eyes met for a fraction of a second.

She was the first to look away.

“I guess not,” she heard Jimin say.”

\--

When they asked for the table, everyone took their desired seats, leaving one empty seat next to Eun Ha. Jaebum knew everyone’s used to him sitting next to her. This was no exception. Yet he chose to sit next to Yugyeom.

“Why are you here? Did you guys have a fight?” asked Yugyeom.

“Can’t I sit wherever I want?” he retorted.

“It’s just weird, that’s all.”

“Let’s just order. guys. I’m hungry!”

\--

The good thing about food is that it provides an excuse not to talk. This is why Jaebum keeps stuffing his mouth with food, so he doesn’t have to talk. But he’s well aware of Jimin’s glares at him. The woman doesn’t know how to be subtle. 

When Mark finally came in earlier, the attention was momentarily on him. Jimin didn’t waver, though. 

He just ignored her. He needs to have alcohol in his system first. Most women don’t know the horrors of rejection because guys usually do the confessing, even up to this day. Jimin knew what’s at stake here. He could potentially lose his best friend. 

\--

Eun Ha didn’t know what she did wrong. Usually, Jaebum would ran ahead of everyone so they could sit together. He’d kick anyone who’d sit next to her. Everyone knew they always sit together. So why is he so far away?

He’s not even looking at her. Is he mad? But they were okay earlier. 

She hates it when he becomes too quiet. She hates it when he doesn’t talk to her. He’s hot tempered, all right. But at least when he’s mad, he can just scream or punch something and then, he’ll be okay again. When he’s quiet, she doesn’t know how to deal with him.

She purposely drank a lot to see how he’d react. Nothing. She’s already getting dizzy from the alcohol and he’s acting like he doesn’t care.

Why did he choose to be indifferent towards her today, of all days? 

\--

Jimin wants to back her head on the table. Eun Ha’s trying to get drunk. Jaebum’s no different. She’s been urging Jaebum to tell Eun Ha how he feels since they arrived. But he completely ignored her.

He’s probably getting himself drunk because he’s nervous, but at this rate, the two are going to pass out soon.

Thankfully, Eun Ha’s phone rang. She put the shot glass down and excused herself to answer the call. Jaebum followed Eun Ha with his gaze. That’s the only thing he’s only capable of doing, apparently. That wuss.

Seeing that he clearly had no plan to follow Eun Ha outside, she stood up and walked towards him to whack his head.

“Follow her outside, you idiot!” she said impatiently. “This is why you’re not getting the girl. You’re not doing anything!”

\--

There was definitely a buzz in her head but Eun Ha’s not drunk enough. Her heart hurts for some reason. Good thing Young K called. She had an excuse to go out. It was getting stuffy in there.

“Hi!” she greeted.

“Are you drunk?”

“Nah. Just a little lightheaded.” She let out a giggle. “What’s up?”

“Nothing. I just want to check on you.”

Despite the situation, she found herself smiling. He’s sweet, she’ll give him that. If only her heart can be easily taught…

“What time will you be done?” he asked.

“I don’t know. They didn’t say. But I’ll probably go home when I’m already drunk. Or passed out,” she joked.

She heard him sigh. “Don’t say that. You’ll make me worry.”

“There’s nothing to worry about. My friends will take care of me.”

“Who’s going to take you home? Jaebum?”

Eun Ha bit her lip. She wanted to confide to Young K, tell him how Jaebum had been ignoring her all night, but she will sound like she’s complaining about her boyfriend to her best friend… when it should be the other way around.

“I don’t know. Maybe?”

“Can I do it instead? Take you home?”

“You have a gig tonight, remember?” She glanced at the phone’s clock. “And it’s about to start.”

Young K fell silent for a while.

“Can I be honest with you, Eun Ha?”

“Of course.”

“I know he’s your best friend, but you’re too close to him, it’s making me worry. You should be closer to me since I’m your boyfriend, right? Whatever you can tell him, you can tell me too. And I’m sorry if I sound like a jealous boyfriend, but you understand me, right? I’m insecure because he’s been with you longer. You have a bond that I can’t break.”

“What are you trying to say? Do you want me to stop being friends with Jaebum?”

Young K sighed. “Would you hate me if I say yes?”


	11. All Goodbyes Hurt

Jaebum leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. He knew this was going to happen sooner or later. It’s partly the reason why he doesn’t want to get a girlfriend. He’s afraid she would ask him to distance himself from Eun Ha. And it would be like ripping away a huge part of himself.

He didn’t know if he could consider it luck that she’d be the first one who’d have to let go.

He sighed and waited for her to end the call. When he heard her bid Young K good night, he composed himself and headed out.

Eun Ha looked like she’d seen a ghost. 

He faked a smile. “There you are!”

God, why does she have that  _ deer in the headlights _ look on her face? 

“Sorry. Did I scare you?”

Eun Ha shook her head slightly. “I was just… surprised you’re talking to me again. You’ve been ignoring me the whole night.”

“Sorry I was just… preoccupied.”

Of course, she didn’t believe him.

“Can we talk for a minute?” he asked.

Eun Ha frowned but nodded. He took her hand and pulled her to somewhere quiet. He could feel the pounding on his chest getting louder with every step. He’s not drunk enough for this. But he has to do it… while he still can.

They sat on the nearby gutter where there weren’t a lot of people walking by. Seeing that she’s wearing a dress, he removed his jacket and gave it to her. She draped it over her legs.

They were both silent for the first few minutes. He had so much he wanted to say, but he didn’t know where to start.

“So… what do you want to talk about?”

“I want to give you my gift,” he said, although he didn’t prepare any. But remembering he still has something he considers special on him, he simply took it off.

Eun Ha’s eyes widened. “B-But that’s…”

“I know.”

He put his necklace around her neck. Eun Ha stared at the pendant for a long time and then she turned to him, confusion written all over her face.

“I thought you said you’d only give this to your future girlfriend,” she reminded him. “Why are you giving it to me?”

“I forgot to buy you a gift so that’ll have to do.”

She seemed disappointed. He is too.

“Oh.” She kept fiddling with the pendant. “What about  _ her _ ? You know… whoever she will be.”

“I’ll just buy her a new one.” But he’s pretty sure he’s never going to have a girlfriend. So maybe he’ll just feed his wishful thinking. His special necklace had been his lucky charm since he was a kid. He feels incomplete without it. 

But he knew it would be nothing compared to the emptiness he’d feel once he say goodbye to her.

“I’ve been asking you for this since forever. Why give it to me now?” she asked again, not buying his first excuse. He stared intently at him. “You’re not dying, are you?”

That made him chuckle. “No.” He looked away and continued, “But I’m leaving.”

\--

_ Did he say he’s leaving? _

Eun Ha shook her head. She must have heard him wrong. “What?”

Jaebum turned his head towards her but didn’t meet her eyes. “I’m leaving.”

“Right now? But it’s still early.”

He looked ahead and sighed. “Eun Ha, I’m serious.”

He does look serious and maybe at the back of her mind, she knew what he meant. But it just doesn’t make any sense. He has no reason to leave.

Jaebum hugged his knees and said, “My father said I could work in their company and made me send an application.”

“What about your mom? Did she agree to it?”

“She didn’t, at first, but I know she wants to be with my dad more often,” he replied. “I’m the only reason why she’s still here.”

_ And you… why did you stay this long? _ she wanted to ask. But she didn’t. Because with Jaebum, almost every expectation comes with disappointment. So she stops herself whenever she can.

“When are you leaving?”

“Tomorrow.”

She felt her anger rise. Have they been too distant from each other that he couldn’t tell her sooner? Do their friends know? Was she the last one to know? Is that why he’s been drinking more than the usual? 

“And you waited this long to tell me? Some kind of friend you are!”

\--

Eun Ha threw his jacket at him and attempted to get up but he pulled at her arm. He knew she’d be mad. Honestly, he was still undecided until earlier. His clothes were still unpacked, but he guessed he’d have to do that quickly tonight.

Jaebum’s heart sank when he saw tears forming on the corners of her eyes. His own vision slowly getting blurry. He cupped her face and wiped them away with his thumbs, but it only made her sadder.

He wanted to take back everything he said, but he couldn’t. All goodbyes hurt, this was no exception. But it needed to be done. 

He pulled her in his arms and kissed the top of her head. “I’m sorry I made you cry.”

Eun Ha grabbed a fistful of his shirt, her nails digging on the fabric, onto his skin. He flinched but kept his mouth shut. 

“Y-You’re such... a... disappointment…” she said through her sobs.

“I know,” he said with a sigh, trying to choke back his own tears. Did she really think he wanted this? 


	12. Last Goodbye

It’s been more than an hour since the two of them went out to talk. Jaebum’s already sober at this point. He’s sure Eun Ha is too because she’s walking pretty straightly on her own, on the other side of the street. It was only a short walk back to the restaurant, but he kept glancing at her to make sure she’s not tripping into anything.

When they reached the entrance, she pushed the jacket he lent her forcefully into his hands. He went in after her.

Immediately, everyone stood up, with wide grins on their faces, seemingly unaware of the brewing chaos that just walked in. He raised his hand and formed an X, to warn them to not do what they were planning to do. That’s when they noticed Eun Ha’s face.

Jimin quickly went to her side while the guys bombarded him with questions. 

“What happened? I thought you’d finally confess!” Jinyoung hissed.

“She cried. Why did she cry?”

“Was she overwhelmed?”

“Did you kiss her?” asked Youngjae.

“If he did, would she have cried?” Jackson asked with a raised eyebrow.

Youngjae pouted and replied, “Well maybe it was that bad.”

Despite the bad timing of the joke, it made him smile a little. But it quickly faded when he heard Eun Ha tell Jimin she’s going home. 

Jaebum felt like the biggest asshole that night, ruining what should have been one of Eun Ha’s happiest nights. He shouldn’t have followed her outside when Jimin told him to. He should have been a few minutes late.

Had it not been for that phone call, he would still be blissfully ignorant about what’s to come. 

He pushed the guys away and walked towards Eun Ha. “I’ll take you home.”

Jimin, who’s been glaring at him the entire time, said, “You know you’re doing more damage than good, right?”

And that stopped him on track. He let the other guys accompany them outside. Maybe Jimin’s right. Maybe he’s done enough damage for tonight.

“I’ll call you,” he said, seemingly to no one in particular.

\--

But Jaebum didn’t call her that night. He physically couldn’t. The guys got him so drunk, he was passed out the whole night. He woke up the next morning, feeling like his skull would crack open. 

He smelled rancid, like he just slept on his own vomit. He probably did. Maybe. He couldn’t really remember anything. 

Ever so slightly, he opened his eyes, wincing as flashes of light kept entering them. When his eyes finally adjusted to the morning light, he sat up and rubbed them. 

Well… at least he’s in his room.

“Oh good. You’re finally awake.”

He flinched at the voice. It was his mom. She’s standing on the doorway of his bedroom, hands on her hips. She looks like she’s been waiting to scold him.

She moved to the edge of his bed and pulled him up. “I’ve already packed your clothes. Take a bath. We’re leaving in two hours.”

“Already?”

“It’s almost 1PM, you brat!”

He winced when she raised her voice. His mom pushed him towards the bathroom and shoved the bath towel on his hands. 

“Hurry up. I’ll prepare some soup for your hangover.”

\--

After his bath, Jaebum sluggishly walked back to his bed to find his phone. He dialled Eun Ha’s number and waited. And waited. And waited. He sighed when he heard the operator’s voice.

He took the phone with him to the dining area. Most of their stuff have been packed. A moving truck will pick them up tomorrow. 

His mom made him sit. She placed a bowl of steaming soup in front of him.

“Eat. Quickly.”

He did as he was told because he didn’t want her to yell at him. His headache would get way worse. While spooning the soup, he dialled Eun Ha’s number with his other hand. He waited. And waited again.

Still no answer.

But he gave it another try. This time, the operator’s voice came quickly. 

\--

Eun Ha stared at the phone she just turned off. Her reflection at the screen stared back. Her eyes were too puffy from all the crying. But every time she’ll think about what transpired that evening, her tears would fall again. It’s like there was a deep well inside of her that’s taking too long to dry out.

He’s the only guy who's ever made her cry like this, and on numerous occasions too. Who said love can make one happy? She’s always been miserable. 

She thought something would finally change last night. When he gave her his special necklace, she thought--

Eun Ha shook her head. Funny how he’s always disappointed her, yet she never really gives up hope. 

Now he’s probably on his way to his new home. 

How heartless of him to tell her about his plan to leave at the very last minute. Is that his way of letting her down easy? 

She switched her phone on because she’s stupid. She admits to that.

Instead of calling, Jaebum had sent her a text message.

_ I’m leaving in an hour. Can I see you before I go? _

Eun Ha sighed as her tears well up again. He’s never ever going to get it, is he? 

She typed her reply and hit send before she could have the chance to rethink it.

\--

Jaebum quickly put his spoon down when his phone buzzed. But his shoulders slumped when he read her message.

_ No. I don’t want to see you again. One goodbye is enough. _


	13. You're Late

It’s been a week since Jaebum last talked to Eun Ha. He’s been calling her everyday and she’s purposely either not answering or rejecting his call. Jimin doesn’t want to talk to him either.

At least the guys were more understanding and supportive of his decisions, but they still gave him a hard time.

Even when he explained why he’s afraid to confess, they still didn’t understand. Sure, it’s easy to say it’s easy to just say it. Something will definitely change, but everyone’s positive it’s going to change for the better. They don’t understand what it’s like to have anxiety over such a simple decision. Years of friendship is at stake here. He can’t just cut Eun Ha out of his life when the hypothetical romantic relationship ends. 

It’s just been a week and he’s already like this. He can’t eat, can’t sleep... basically can’t do anything productive.

Still lying on the bed, he reached for the bedside drawer and pulled the polaroid picture from one of the cabinets. 

It’s his favorite picture because it shows what he really feels and what he wants them to become. 

He saw what everyone had been talking about since high school. Maybe he’s that dumb to not see it sooner, but he recognizes his own feelings now. As for Eun Ha… she seems like she’s already happy with that guy. But he still feels a tinge of hope. Maybe friendship and familiarity will work on his advantage?

He let out a long sigh. Why can’t it be that easy? Why is he so afraid that things won’t work out between them?

\--

It’s been a week since Jaebum left town. Eun Ha’s been crying for the exact time. She’s been regretting letting him leave, but seeing how easy it was for him made her convince herself it’s for the best.

It will only hurt for a while. Maybe weeks, months, or even years, but the pain will end. She’ll get used to it.  _ Fake it ‘til you make it. _

Eun Ha sighed. It’s been a while since she last talked to Young K. He must be worried. She told him she needed some time to be alone. She couldn’t even answer his calls because it’s off most of the time. Jaebum had been pestering her.

Did he really think he could just leave and talk to her again? She gets mad every time she thinks about their last conversation. She’d definitely snap at him if she answers his calls.

Her phone’s switched on since this morning, but she didn’t receive a call from him. Maybe he’s given up? That’s very likely of him. He gives up pretty easily. Being the only child, Jaebum’s used to being spoiled. Things were naturally just handed to him. He’s never had a lot of hardships in the past. Even now, he already landed a pretty decent job without making a lot of effort.

That’s what he lacks-- _effort._

\--

Jaebum’s mom shook his shoulders to wake him up. 

“What...” he groaned.

“Get up! We’re already late!”

“For what?”

His mom let out an exasperated sigh and shook her head. “You’re even late at your own wedding. Unbelievable,” she muttered.

That woke him up. “What?”

She held up a suit and glared. “Eun Ha would think you’ve had cold feet.”

_ Shit.  _ Yes, the wedding! He remembers now.

He took the suit from his mom and ran to the bathroom to change.

\--

They arrived at the church a little later than expected. But it was all good. The bride hasn’t arrived yet. At least he didn’t mess it up too much.

Jaebum almost ran towards the altar, people whose faces were blurry, all looked at him as he did so. 

He took his place at the altar and waited for the bride. He had just settled on his spot when the wedding march started playing. He shook his hands, quickly getting clammy. Everyone stood up. He swallowed.  _ Here we go. _

\--

The big church door swung open. Slowly, as if in slow motion. The blinding light from the outside made Jaebum close his eyes for a moment. But he opened them again, only to catch his breath when he did. The long veil covered Eun Ha’s  face, yet he can somehow see her smiling all the way from where she stood. 

Slowly, to the beat of the music, she started walking. With each step, he could feel the flutters in his stomach getting stronger. She was looking only at him, the smile never leaving her face.

She looked so beautiful in white, the light from the outside gave it an illusion that she’s bathing in the moonlight. The crystals on Eun Ha’s gown glistened as the light hit them. 

Her eyes never left his. It made him want to meet her halfway and carry her towards the altar. She was walking too slow for his liking. 

When she was finally near, she reached out to him. He took her hand, smiling. If his heart won’t stop swelling, it would probably explode.

“You’re late,” she told him.

“I’m not. I’m here, aren’t I?”

She shook her head and smiled sweetly. “Oh, you’re too late.”

Eun Ha looked over to the top of the altar. Confused, he followed her gaze. Standing there, in a more extravagant suit, was Young K. Eun Ha let go of his hand and walked past him.

The flutters in his stomach now crawled up to his chest, gnawing at his heart.

Jaebum woke up crying from the pain. 


	14. Reality Hits Hard

The dream seemed too real. Jaebeom was clutching at his chest while the ache gradually dissipates. He stopped crying after a while, but the dream left an itch in his chest he can’t scratch.

Rubbing his eyes, he reached for his phone and called Jimin. Naturally, she didn’t answer. But he kept calling and calling.

_ Jimin, I need to talk to you. It's urgent, _ he texted her.

Finally, after the end time, she answered his call.

“This better be good,” she told him. 

“I need to see Eun Ha.”

Jimin let out a long, exasperated sigh. “Jaebeom, let her live.”

“Please?”

“She doesn’t want to see you.”

“That’s why I’m asking you,” he pointed out. Eun Ha moved in with Jimin to some apartment while they were looking for work. They didn’t tell any of the guys where because they know he might ask. 

No wonder Jackson’s not talking to him.

“And what would you do when you see her?” Jimin asked. “She’s had enough of your bs, okay. My girl’s trying to move on. Let her.”

What Jimin said made him frown. “What?”

Jimin grunted. “So you really have no idea, huh?”

“What are you trying to say?”

“Never mind. It doesn’t matter.”

“Jimin… please…”

There was a long silence that made him check his phone to see if the call has been cut, but it’s still going. He pressed the phone on his ear again and waited.

“She’s going to kill me,” she told him, after a while. “But you two have been going around in circles for years, it’s frustrating the shit out of me.”

“What do you mean?”

“She’s been in love with you since high school, you idiot!” she blurted out. “Eun Ha’s been too scared to tell you because you might not feel the same and she didn’t want things to be awkward between you two. That’s why when I saw how you looked at her and realized you like her back, I wanted to tell her but you said you would and you didn’t!”

Jimin’s rapid explanation felt like a drill going through his head. It gave him a headache. But this is good, right? If Eun Ha feels the same, then it could work! Their friendship isn’t on the line anymore. They can be together now!

He got out of bed and rummaged some clean clothes from the pile he keeps on a chair near his bed. All the while letting Jimin rant about him and Eun Ha being idiots.

“So where is she now? Where are you?” he asked when she’s done.

“If I tell you, will you promise to do something about it? For real, this time? Because if you don’t--”

“YES!” He cleared his throat. “Sorry. Yes, I would. I promise.”

Jimin let out a sigh and finally agreed she will help.

\--

Eun Ha was getting impatient. Jimin told her to skip her first interview so they could meet. She insisted it’s urgent. But it’s been 30 minutes past their agreed meeting time. She’s still not there.

She should have gone to the interview. Moving in with Jimin was expensive, but she had to do it. She wanted to move away from people who have direct connections to Jaebeom so they won’t see each other and she knew she could trust Jimin to keep their whereabouts a secret.

She missed hanging out with the guys, but she needs to keep a safe distance from Jaebeom… at least until she gets over him. 

Eun Ha waited for about 20 more minutes. She sent Young K a text, saying they could meet, in case Jimin doesn’t show up. The latter had been telling her she’s already on the way. She went out of the apartment earlier before her so she didn’t know where Jimin would be coming from. But even so… Jimin’s never late without a good reason.

When it’s already past an hour and still no Jimin showed up, Eun Ha got up to leave. She was almost at the shop’s door when she saw Jaebeom.

Her mind suddenly went blank.

\--

_ Why won’t you go in? I’m risking a lot here, you idiot! Man up just for once!  _ Jimin texted Jaebeom.

He admits he’s a coward. Eun Ha’s right there, sitting impatiently while drinking her already cold coffee, dressed in black pants and white long-sleeved blouse. She’s been waiting for Jimin. And he’s standing outside, just… lurking.

His feet won’t budge!

But when she got up to leave, it’s like he was suddenly slapped hard in the face. He knew this is the only chance he will ever have. Jimin won’t do this sort of thing again even if he begs or cry blood.

So he told himself to just _fuck_ _it._ Whatever happens, happens.

\--

Has she always been this pretty? Jaebeom knows she is, but she affected him differently that moment. Maybe it’s because he hasn’t seen her in a while. Maybe it’s the love goggles. He’s not sure. 

But she’s glowing. And even when she looked mad, confused, and about to cry, he couldn’t look away.

“H-Hi,” he managed to croak. 

If they were indeed forming tears, Eun Ha blinked them away to glare at him. Jaebeom is a little scared, but he’s mostly happy. For now he knows this woman loves him too.

\--

_ Why is he smiling? _ Eun Ha thought. He has no right to smile! Not after everything he put her through! And how did he even find her? No one knows where she is except for…  _ Jimin. _

She should have known Jimin would betray her sooner or later. But she will deal with her later. Right now, she needs to get away from Jaebeom.

She walked past him, bumping his shoulder on purpose, but regretted it instantly because it hurt. 

“Wait!” he called. “I came all the way here to talk to you!”

_ Wow. Thanks for the effort _ . She didn’t stop walking.

“KIM EUN HA!” he yelled. She tensed when she heard the anger on his voice. But then her own anger rose, for he has no right to be mad at her. She didn’t do anything wrong. He’s the one who always ruins everything!

She turned sharply, planning to take her anger out on him. But seeing the expression on his face stopped her from doing that.

He looked unsure and happy and relieved and he doesn’t have a clue what it’s doing to her.

“I’m sorry for yelling,” he said.

Eun Ha tried to pull the anger that’s quickly evaporating back into her system. She hates that she has such a weak resolve when it comes to him. She can’t stay mad long. She forgives his shortcomings too easily. Because it’s Jaebeom. 

“Why are you here? What do you want?” she asked. “I don’t have a lot of time for you so be quick about it.”

Jaebeom started walking to she put up her hand to stop him. 

“Don’t. Stay there.”

She realized that they’re in the middle of a sidewalk. She knew they’re getting stared at. But it’s better here than somewhere alone with him.

Jaebeom was well aware of that too. It’s probably why he couldn’t speak freely.

“Are you sure?”

She looked at her phone’s watch. “You have five minutes.”

Jaebeom looked around nervously. Her tapping her foot on the cemented sidewalk probably agitated him more.  _ Good.  _ That’s probably what he needs. A deadline. He needs to feel that she won’t be by his side forever. She can’t wait that long.

He exhaled. “I know we’ve been friends for a long time… but I--” He let out another sigh and avoided her eyes. What is this? Is he… “Jimin told me something.”

_ Oh no. _

“And I’ve been too stupid not to see it.” He gave her a sad smile. “I’m sorry I’m such an idiot.”

_ Why don’t you just say it? _ she wanted to ask. But if she opens her mouth, she’s afraid she’d be a crying mess later.

“I just want to let you know I feel the same.”

Just then… her phone rang.

\--

Jaebeom could barely hear through the loud pounding on his chest. If Eun Ha heard or understood what he said, he couldn’t tell. The moment was ruined by the ringing of her phone. 

They looked at each other, eyes questioning what they should do about it. After a few rings, Eun Ha answered the call. He felt his energy drain when he heard who it was.  _ Of course.  _ There’s still  _ that _ in the way.

She sounded cautious while talking to that guy, like she’s avoiding certain topics or words because he’s around. He didn’t know what to do with that kind of consideration.

How can he tell her that avoiding to hurt him actually hurt more? Maybe he’s too late. Maybe Jimin was wrong. Who knows?

He started to leave while she’s preoccupied.

_ “I’m sorry I can’t see you today,”  _ he heard her say. That made him stop on track.  _ “I can’t see you anymore, Young K. I’m really sorry.” _

Jaebeom slowly turned around. Eun Ha looked defeated as well. She bit her lip and frowned. She was close to crying.

“It better be worth it,” she told him.

He couldn’t help but smile. Reaching out his hand, he said, “I promise I’ll make it worth it.”

\--

Later that night, Jimin received a text message. It was from Eun Ha.  _ To be clear, I'm still mad at you for doing what you did. But thanks. _


	15. New Beginning

Jaebeom thought Eun Ha would take his hand, but she slapped it away. “Don’t think it’s that easy.”

She crossed her arms across her chest and huffed. He scratched the back of his nape and slid his hands in his pockets. To be honest, he knew it won’t be easy. In fact, he didn’t know how things would go that day. But they have to start somewhere and if this is it, he’s okay with it. 

“Where are you off to?” he asked. 

“I have another job interview today.”

“Oh? What time?”

Eun Ha looked at her phone. “After lunch. So, three hours from now?”

“Do you want to grab an early lunch?” 

She made a face. “With you? No.”

“Why not?”

“I’m still mad at you.”

\--

Eun Ha wanted to whack his head. The idiot couldn’t stop smiling. She tried to look mad, but if he keeps at it, she will definitely break. 

It was a little awkward to be in this kind of situation. In movies or in books, after the  _ big confession, _ the main protagonists will just usually hug or kiss or something. It’s weird that they always did that when they were  _ just friends _ but now that they’re actually more than that, they became too shy to even hold hands.

_ Well, he did offer his hand.  _

She did expect this, but in a grander scale. Like Jaebeom would confess with a flash mob to make up for all her years of waiting. Instead, what she got was an implied confession, not a direct one. But for some odd reason, she was okay with it. It felt right. It felt enough. Like they have always been friends and maybe deep down they know they could be more than that. They just need a little nudge.

That was that nudge.

“What do you want to do to then?” he asked after she declined his invitation to brunch. Her stomach was currently filled with bricks and butterflies. If she eats, she’ll feel queasy.

“Let’s just walk,” she told him. 

\--

“Did you come here because of what Jimin said?” she asked a while later.

Jaebeom shook his head. “I begged her to help because I want to see you. But what she told me gave me enough confidence to come here.”

Ah. Her heart can’t stay still. 

“If she didn’t say what she said, would you still come?” she asked as they walk towards a nearby park.

Jaebeom didn’t answer the question. Instead, he told her, “I dreamed about us getting married.”

“Oh.” She lowered her gaze hoping he wouldn’t see the blush creeping onto her cheeks.

“That was how it started, anyway. But then it turned out that I was there to give your hand to someone else,” he continued.

“Oh…”

“I thought it was real. I woke up crying.”

Eun Ha didn’t know how to respond to that. She kind of get how a dream made him do what he did because she’s had dreams like that before. She once had a dream about being in love with a preschool classmate. She couldn’t even remember his name or his face. It just that she knew he was from the past. When she woke up and as the drowse faded, so did the feelings.

But imagine having a dream that hit so close to home. 

\--

They sat on an unoccupied parked bench, still keeping a decent amount of distance between them. 

“How’s your work?” she asked.

“I haven’t started yet,” Jaebeom replied. “My dad asked them to move the start date because I’ve been sulking around the house so much.”

That made her smile, but she composed herself before he could see it. 

“I guess we won’t see each other often, huh? You’re a few hours away from here.”

“I’ll make it work.”

“Your mom would hate me if you spend so much time and money just to see me.”

Jaebeom chuckled. “Trust me. She would even give me pocket money just to see you. I think my mom loves you more than she loves me.”

She grinned. She’s always been his mom’s favorite, has told her so many times how she wants only her as her daughter-in-law.

Eun Ha let out a sigh. “I miss her.”

“Why don’t you come by the house this weekend? I’ll pick you up--where exactly is your apartment?”

She shook her head. “You’ll just waste money. Give me the address and I’ll tell you when I can go.”

“Okay,” he said with a nod.

But before they could dive deeper into this new relationship, she needs to do something first. She needs to talk to Young K one last time. He deserves a proper apology.


End file.
